silent when he wanted to be
by Helen

Chris caught him with the photograph the night he was supposed to be out doing a border check. It wasn't the first time Chris had traded off his shift and snuck back to surprise him. Chris could be silent when he wanted to be, and more than once had snuck up behind JC, and growled something obscene in his ear, trailed his mouth hotly down JC's neck. JC used to like it.

This time, Chris had JC's hips in his hands, mouth against the back of his neck and JC started, fumbling with the photograph and then dropping it.

"What's—" Chris said.

"Nothing—" JC said, grabbing it from the floor, but Chris was faster, and snatched it from his fingers, gone clumsy with guilt and inevitability.

"Where did you get this?" Chris said, after a moment. He squinted at the picture as though he had never seen it before.

"It was in the back of the closet," JC said.

"oh." Chris looked at the photograph, and then at JC, eyes blank. Then he turned, and left the room.

Chris didn't come back for hours, until it was long past dark, and JC had given up and taken off his clothes and gone to bed. Chris stripped, dropping his clothes on the floor by the bed, each article of clothing dropping to the floor, soft heavy thuds, made louder by the silent room. Chris got into bed, but didn't touch him. JC pretended to be asleep.

He let Justin off early the next day, because Joey was getting back that evening, and Justin was more or less useless, taking an hour to do a simple task that should have taken him twenty minutes. JC tried to tell himself it was because he was being kind, and because Justin needed more time off, but it was more because he couldn't stand to look at Justin's pretty, excited face anymore.

That morning, Chris had gotten dressed wordlessly, pulling on his clothes from the night before, sitting on the bed with his back to JC to put on his boots. He'd hesitated, a moment, by the bed, before leaving, and then pressed a kiss to JC's cheek. His lips had been cold. The door had closed behind him with a careful snap.